Oh

oh. oh.

The Ressurection

It's been four years since I used you dear blog. and maybe I needed you more than I realized. I think I'm back for a while.

MENTAL ILLNESS AND DEPRESSION

Have any of my friends been through dealing with a close family member and suicide. I'd love a hug if you have :(

All of us have two minds, a private one, which is usually strange, I guess, and symbolic, and a public one, a social one.
Most of us stream back and forth between those two minds, drifting around in our private self and then coming forward into the public self whenever we need to.
But sometimes you get a little slow making the transition, you drag out the private part of your life and people know you’re doing it.
They almost always catch on, knowing that someone is standing before them thinking about things that can’t be shared, like the one monkey that knows where a freshwater pond is.
And sometimes the public mind is such a total bummer and the private self is alive with beauty and danger and secrets and things that don’t make any sense but that repeat and repeat and demand to be listened to, and you find it harder and harder to come forward.
The pathway between those two states of mind suddenly seems very steep, a hell of a lot of work and not really worth it.
Then I think it becomes a matter of what side of the great divide you get caught on. Some people get stuck on the public, approved side and they’re all right, for what it’s worth.
And some people get stuck on the completely strange and private side of the divide, and that’s what we call crazy and its not really completely wrong to call it that but it doesn’t say it as it truly is.
It’s more like a lack of mobility, a transportation problem, getting stuck, being the us we are in private but not stopping… –Scott Spencer, Endless Love

I've stopped waiting for you

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF
· i’m almost 28
· i love travelling
· i work too much
· i have a younger brother
· i dream alot
· i have over 25 hours of ink
· i get along better with guys
· i like to drink
· i still sometimes wonder who i am
· i always want to be everywher eat once
NINE THINGS YOU’VE THOUGHT ABOUT RECENTLY
· how i always think about being someone else
· that i want to be overseas again
· how someone i've never met, can connect to me better than anyone else
· why is he judging me
· why it’s never worked out with any guy
· should i finish unpacking?
· how stupid i've been the last three years.. but maybe its for a reason
· i need to go back to my stress free life
· lucero are amazing
EIGHT WAYS TO WIN YOUR HEART (sorry sarah i copied yours because.. well they're perfect)
· make me laugh
· some similar interests as me
· make me feel special and treat me right
· be smart
· don’t smoke and do excessive drugs
· be honest &open all the time. trust me.
· be interested in who I am and find out who that is
· be there for me when I need you for support
· be yourself and have fun
SEVEN FAVORITE BANDS/MUSICIANS [no specific order]
· lucero
· gaslight anthem
· death cab for cutie
· against me!
· rise against!
· sleigh bells
· the postal service
SIX THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP
· read
· have a chocolate milk
· brush my teeth
· listen to music
· check facebook
· think
FIVE THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY TO FIVE DIFFERENT PEOPLE RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT
· i'll never understand why i wasnt good enough for you
· i can't believe how selfish you were my last week with you
· i miss you so much girl, i didnt realise how inseperable we were
· you're on my mind 24/7, do you think this will really work?
· I have this idea about you i cant get out of my head, and you dont even realise it do you??
FOUR THINGS YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW
· listening to lucero
· lying in bed wearing only a tshirt and undies
· re reading my messages from you
· drinkign red wine
THREE THINGS YOU’RE SCARED OF
· being alone for the rest of my life
· failing at work
· not remembering my family
TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
· see every part of the world (one continent to go!)
· be content with myself
ONE CONFESSION
i think about you all the time

You left me cold but you still come around
Please don't knock on my door
You want to stay, I don't want you to go
But I know you don't love me no more
I tried and I tried time after time
I've given you all that I can
Now I'm weak and I want you
But I can't take the pain
Please say goodbye again

You come and you go just as you please
Don't care if you got no one else
Your voice is soft and your eyes are sweet
But they don't hold the love you once felt
I tried and I tried time after time
I've given you all that I can
Now I'm weak and I want you
But I can't take the pain
Please say goodbye again

And I know I've wasted time
Just waiting round here for you
Please won't you say goodbye
And this time follow through

Sometimes all that I want
is just to see your sweet face
But I know better than to see you again cause
I know I can't make you stay
I tried and I tried time after time
I've given you all that I can
Now I'm weak and I want you
But I can't take the pain
Please say goodbye again

Grey skies and light fading, headlamps making patterns on the wall
Uptown it's dead now but, out here no one seems to care at all
Slick girls and sick boys and each one lining up to take it home
They hold tight their coin and pray no one has to see the fall
I'm there, yeah I serve them, the one with the empty looking eyes
Come closer, you'll see me: the face that is used to telling lies

Saturday nights in neon lights, Sunday in the cell
Pills enough to make me feel ill, cash enough to make me well
Take me, take me to the riot
Take me...

You sprung me, I'm grateful
I love when you tell me not to speak
I owe you but I know you, you'll have me back but it's gonna take a week
What now kid?, which way love?
Will we ever make up and be friends?
Good news is my shoes is lined with all my nickels and my tens
Let's do them! Just feed me... I hate when I have to go to sleep
You despise me and I love you
It's not much but it's just enough to keep...

Saturday nights in neon lights, Sunday in the cell
Pills enough to make me feel ill, cash enough to make me well
Take me, take me to the riot
And let me stay...